anger - is it really about the argument?

I have seen many of my friends, who are generally very good at managing the conversations, lose it once in a while and some are perpetually angry.

What is it that causes the anger in us? I think its the poor performance against the expectations, whose expectations? Our expectations. So while on the road, we expect the next guy to give space/adhere to rules/not honk, if any of these does not happen, leads to a trigger and hence the anger.

So what is causing the anger? Its our view of the world - how can that be managed, by we changing the expectations.  

I think the reason we get angry with someone as we lose the respect for that person, we think the other person needs to have the same expectations and if I am adhering to them, the other person needs to. Different people have different expectations and hence there is mismatch of the performance.

If there is respect, we will ask the other guy what were his/her expectations, if there is mismatch, it will be visible and hence the reason for the anger. Should we hold the natural triggers? No, So what was natural in this? Our expectations that we think are natural, may be we need to reorient them.

Greed and Need

I read in a report in a magazine that Sir Richard Branson has chosen to relocate to an island in carribean he now calls his own. In normal circumstances, it will just be news but seen in the context of the taxes he pays and how Sir RB files his returns, something seems to be not right, atleast for me.

It was mentioned in the same report that he will pay for the taxes in the UK only to the extent of what he earns within the UK. I am seeing too many cases of such behavior, not sure what to call it. For me, its being too smart and not having any gratitude for the things you get in the country where you grow.

In the same manner, cofounder of Facebook relinquished US citizenship to be relocated to Singapore, only for the reason of saving the taxes, and this person moved just before the IPO.

When I go through the tax filing of Apple, I find that there is no correlation between the money the company makes and pays in taxes. I know its called smartness in business parlance to save (dodge?) taxes, I am not sure I feel like that. One can argue with the tax system in the country and push for lower rates of taxes but to dodge them, I am not sure I like that. There is every reason for the average people in that country to feel cheated. The reason Apple is so is because of the smart people in that country and their ability to be creative and thrive. Why is it that the likes of India can not create Apple, its do with the people and the country so if you become big owing to the country and smartness around you, one should learn to give it back as well.

I think it’s the greed that comes in here. The amount of money you have can never be more or less, its ultimately ones ability to do good with it, hence by not paying taxes and amassing more money, people like Sir RB and Apple are letting the eco system down and not letting more Apples and Sir RB bloom.

Of innovation and socialism

 The renowned columnist of New York times, Thomas Friedman, wrote in an article last week how the US is losing its mojo, a country bred on innovation and immigration has come to a standstill owing to disagreements on redistribution of what they have.

And I totally agree with him. That’s the case with most of the countries lost in the game of redistribution than creation. Take the case of our country, before we get to some level of prosperity, there is clamor for inclusive development, or there are more programs meant to redistribute.

While a country is in the stage of creation, or a country thrives on a culture of creation, will never have issues of redistribution as the creation in itself ensures it. There is never this feeling, will we grow more, will we get a share of it. Only when there are doubts of growth, there will be an anxiety of redistribution.

And this applies to organisations as well.

Happiness - really?

“What we feel inside us about what’s happening around us is our perception of the world” I was telling my daughter while setting her room in the dorm where she will stay for the next four years.    

“So, is there nothing like the good and the bad world?” my daughter questioned.

“Yeah, there is but how that is, is purely our take of how we feel about it, there will be situations when you will feel nothing is working for you even though the resources are not in short supply and you will feel inadequate, unhappy and there will situations when the resources will be in short supply but you will feel optimistic of the situation and hence happy”.  I responded.

“Hence, feeling adequate or not is our decision and is not driven by the world around us”. I added.

My daughter was confused but was willing to think. “So this entire emotional wellbeing is driven by us and not by people/situations around us?” she was really curious.

“ I wont be so black and white about it, the point I am making is, how we rationalize within ourselves is what will determine happiness for us. Ofcourse, if you have a lot of money and you have the freedom to spend it, you will feel happy, so the situation is going to make it easy but in the same situation, someone can chose to be unhappy by being pessimistic of the outcomes of spending it” I was trying to explain the thinking to her.

“ I need to take more responsibility of my emotional well being is what you are telling me?”

“Yes!!!” is what I told her.

Jet lag and the sleeping cycles

I am jet lagged, it’s been ages since I have gone through this disorder and it’s taking a heavy toll on me. So while going through the bouts of untimely sleeping, I am coming to this thinking that sleeping more than once within 24 hours for a long stretch can be very helpful to a human body.

Infact, I had read an article a year back that people in old times used to have a break during the sleep and used to resort to eating, sex and entertainment (sex definitely is one form) during that break. SO for example, people would sleep by the dusk and wake up midnight for about 3-4 hours and go back to sleep.

Wont it be nice if we get back into that mode again? Imagine sleeping around 8 in the evening, waking up at 12 in the night, spending 4-5 hours on various things listed above and going back to sleep at 4 and waking up at 8. I am sure it will keep all of us very healthy. Also, the time spent for personal things will be far more than what gets spent now. Other format can be, every 8 hours of working/doing things will lead to 4 hours of sleeping, the timing can be left to one’s discretion. It will really get into flexi living in a real sense.

I think this will boost productivity to a great extent – 8 hours of work and 8 hours of personal time – split between group (family, friends etc) and solo (reading, listening to music) activities.

Life as a journey

While having a coffee with my partners on the occasion of 4th anniversary of our venture, I happened to ask them how has been their experience. Obviously, on such occasions, the norm is to recount all the good things that have happened over the period. There were a few things that could have been done better (a very professional way of saying, you moron, you didn't know what you were doing) but that was it. 

And then we moved to the future specific discussion. One of the partner, by nature is very risk sensitive and will have all the worries of what can go wrong. I was checking very specifically with him as he is the one who seems to have lost the appeal of a laughter. I asked him, do you have any specific goals? Obviously the answer was, we need to be big and profitable. I probed further, how big? I knew he will figure out very quickly, he is very intelligent for sure, that I am leading to something else.

Thats the time I asked if he enjoyed the journey and will he, if it is bereft of goals.

We are all so driven by goals and rightly so, all our childhood our goal has been to score closest to 100%. That one outcome had all the relevance of spending a year in the school. As we progressed, next goal was to get into a job and that one outcome was the reason we did the management (I am exaggerating a bit) education and then ofcourse a sweetheart to go after to marry her.

The outcome is so important for us. 

Instead, if we start enjoying the journey what will happen? Yes, there is a real threat of getting lost and not knowing how much has been the progress, yet, if everyday/every moment is what you are looking forward to, you will try and make it memorable. Whenever we recount past, what comes to our mind is moments and not the outcomes. Then why are we so obsessed with them?